A Shocking Insight

We are 99% towards the end of the assessment process to become foster parents, and it is an exciting time for us. It has certainly been a long (since February) and fascinating time. The people we have met and the training we have had has opened our eyes to the experiences and suffering of fostered children.

During a recent visit from the fostering agency, it hit me how the way we deal with our children can have such a dramatic effect on how they see themselves, and everything they do throughout their lives. Of course, with fostered children, their experiences can be so extreme, but even with our own children I realised the impact we can have upon them. One child who had been through various fostering placements actually believed that, because he had been severely beaten as a baby, he must have deserved it, and why - because he was bad and naughty. Once a child has this self-image it will affect how he is and what he does throughout his life, until you can get it through to him, that he is not bad, but that those who beat him were wrong. But it can be difficult, because once a person has this opinion of himself (ie. I'm bad or no good), he will fulfil this prophecy. He will be bad or no good at anything, thus reinforcing it not only to others, but more importantly, to himself. And so the vicious circle continues.

It reminded me how important it is when dealing with our kids not to be condemnatory, nor to label them, not to instil negative thoughts or fear into them, and to always look for the best in them.