Our Kids - Our Carers?

The UK Daily Mail today has an article entitled "The door slams on good neighbours". This is a topic close to my heart. It mentions that research suggests that good neighbours are becoming a thing of the past in the UK. An average of one in five of those questioned felt they could not rely on their neighbours in an emergency, eight in ten thought their parents' generation placed a greater emphasis on caring for the local community and 16 per cent did not know the names of those living next door! It suggests a declining focus on community spirit, quoting that fewer than one in ten Britons regularly visits a neighbour and 40 per cent say their neighbour has never called on them.

I am a volunteer with the Worthing Good Neighbours in my home town, and we essentially befriend and make regular visits to lonely, isolated elderly people who have no family close by. We are often their only link with the outside world, and we can keep an eye on them and sort issues out for them when needed. Many just want someone to come and have a chat over a cup of tea.

Sometimes, in the school holidays, I take my daughter with me. Why? Partly because she wants to come, and partly because I believe it's good for her to meet with, build an understanding of, and learn from, an elderly person. She can learn so much. I think many young people, including myself up until recently, just don't understand what elderly people go through - loneliness, frailty and ill-health. Often it takes a close relative to suffer for us to become aware and sensitized to it.

There are so many community-spirited and caring people out there, who do care for and watch over lonely neighbours - they do a great job. But I think our communities are going to become even more disjointed if we don't do something about it. I think parents can do a lot to make their children aware of our older generation, who are often characterised as old-fashioned, boring, and rambling on about the War. In reality, they are very colourful characters - their lives have been far more interesting than any TV personality's life. And they can be great fun too!

I made a big discovery the other day regarding my son's progress at school. He is 13, nearly 14 years old. He does not like school, has little interest in it, and does not produce work anywhere near satisfactory. Having allowed him the independence to take responsibility for all matters regarding school, like remembering the right equipment, and doing homework, I decided recently to change this, as things weren't going well for him, especially with the detentions for late, or no homework. I decided to oversee all homework, and to monitor schoolwork by checking his exercise books. I also decided to sit with him through all homework and help him where necessary.

I found something quite interesting with him. Having thought there was not much going on up top with him, to put it bluntly, and that he was finding schoolwork hard because he did not have the ability, I realised this is just not the case, not with all the subjects anyway. It is all down to the way he learns. As with many other children, who may be assumed to have learning disabilities (my son has not been labelled thus though), he does not learn through books, pens and paper. He is a visual and auditory learner. What I mean by this is that, when I sit with him and ask him to, say, write an essay on a subject set for his homework, he is literally stuck. He can barely write a sentence or two. But when I ask him to 'speak' his essay, anything he knows on the subject, and I write/type it as he speaks, he can fill a page. In fact, he knows a lot, and actually shows interest and quite insightful knowledge. And not only with homework. When I take time to talk to him about school, he tells me the subject he likes best is History, the reason being that his teacher always starts a subject by teaching it in words, stories, and on video.

I suspect this is the case for many children. It may be the reason why they find some subjects boring at school, and have little interest or attention span. It may be why they are difficult to discipline at school. I realised that, even though my son is 13 years old, maybe it's wise not to expect him to take on the responsibility of managing his homework himself, for his sake and his education. Taking a little time to help him may spark an interest and confidence he needs in his schoolwork, and make a difference to his future. I'm sorry I've been so hard on him, and not taken the time to understand his difficulties. I love him so much.