Our Kids - Our Carers?

The UK Daily Mail today has an article entitled "The door slams on good neighbours". This is a topic close to my heart. It mentions that research suggests that good neighbours are becoming a thing of the past in the UK. An average of one in five of those questioned felt they could not rely on their neighbours in an emergency, eight in ten thought their parents' generation placed a greater emphasis on caring for the local community and 16 per cent did not know the names of those living next door! It suggests a declining focus on community spirit, quoting that fewer than one in ten Britons regularly visits a neighbour and 40 per cent say their neighbour has never called on them.

I am a volunteer with the Worthing Good Neighbours in my home town, and we essentially befriend and make regular visits to lonely, isolated elderly people who have no family close by. We are often their only link with the outside world, and we can keep an eye on them and sort issues out for them when needed. Many just want someone to come and have a chat over a cup of tea.

Sometimes, in the school holidays, I take my daughter with me. Why? Partly because she wants to come, and partly because I believe it's good for her to meet with, build an understanding of, and learn from, an elderly person. She can learn so much. I think many young people, including myself up until recently, just don't understand what elderly people go through - loneliness, frailty and ill-health. Often it takes a close relative to suffer for us to become aware and sensitized to it.

There are so many community-spirited and caring people out there, who do care for and watch over lonely neighbours - they do a great job. But I think our communities are going to become even more disjointed if we don't do something about it. I think parents can do a lot to make their children aware of our older generation, who are often characterised as old-fashioned, boring, and rambling on about the War. In reality, they are very colourful characters - their lives have been far more interesting than any TV personality's life. And they can be great fun too!

I made a big discovery the other day regarding my son's progress at school. He is 13, nearly 14 years old. He does not like school, has little interest in it, and does not produce work anywhere near satisfactory. Having allowed him the independence to take responsibility for all matters regarding school, like remembering the right equipment, and doing homework, I decided recently to change this, as things weren't going well for him, especially with the detentions for late, or no homework. I decided to oversee all homework, and to monitor schoolwork by checking his exercise books. I also decided to sit with him through all homework and help him where necessary.

I found something quite interesting with him. Having thought there was not much going on up top with him, to put it bluntly, and that he was finding schoolwork hard because he did not have the ability, I realised this is just not the case, not with all the subjects anyway. It is all down to the way he learns. As with many other children, who may be assumed to have learning disabilities (my son has not been labelled thus though), he does not learn through books, pens and paper. He is a visual and auditory learner. What I mean by this is that, when I sit with him and ask him to, say, write an essay on a subject set for his homework, he is literally stuck. He can barely write a sentence or two. But when I ask him to 'speak' his essay, anything he knows on the subject, and I write/type it as he speaks, he can fill a page. In fact, he knows a lot, and actually shows interest and quite insightful knowledge. And not only with homework. When I take time to talk to him about school, he tells me the subject he likes best is History, the reason being that his teacher always starts a subject by teaching it in words, stories, and on video.

I suspect this is the case for many children. It may be the reason why they find some subjects boring at school, and have little interest or attention span. It may be why they are difficult to discipline at school. I realised that, even though my son is 13 years old, maybe it's wise not to expect him to take on the responsibility of managing his homework himself, for his sake and his education. Taking a little time to help him may spark an interest and confidence he needs in his schoolwork, and make a difference to his future. I'm sorry I've been so hard on him, and not taken the time to understand his difficulties. I love him so much.

Can't a mum get some sleep on the weekend?

I don’t know about you, but my Saturdays and Sundays are my lie-in days, where I can lay in a stupor in the morning and get up at my leisure, not having to jump to the urgent message of the alarm clock. Consequently, the weekends seem to be the days when my kids are up before me, excited by the freedom of no school, and the anticipation of what’s ahead – going out, meeting friends. This Sunday I was awoken by the sound of the smoke alarm going off. They were preparing their brunch, as they told me, and the burning toast set the alarm off. Not just the one alarm though. Five minutes later, another smoke alarm in another room goes off, then another one. I could hear their hurried footsteps as they ran around trying to locate them (we have alarms in every room).

This reminds me of the previous Sunday, when I was awoken to the sound of my two girls patrolling the house, locating spiders (it’s that spider time of the year, especially in our house, me being a less than keen housekeeper). They were spraying them. Thinking ‘oh no, the house will be filled with pesticide chemicals and we’ll all get ill’, I dragged myself out of bed to stop them. I discovered it wasn’t fly spray they were using, but body spray! I dread to think what its effect could have been. Either they died a slow death, or we will have an explosion in spider births due to spider romance!

Still on the subject of baths

The next person who tries to tell me kids need playstations, Nintendo DS, etc, can take a running jump. The only reason they NEED them is because they feel they do because the other kids have them. My youngest bought a small, 15p rubber shark at a charity shop recently, and she's had more fun out of that than any electronic device could ever provide. That rubber shark has given her lots of fun, and IMAGINATIVE fun. The other night, she described to me how the shark had rooms in the bubbles of the bath, a kitchen (to show me, she 'swam' the shark there), a bathroom, bedroom, lounge, and, of course, loo! It's lovely to see a child's imagination working, and to remember the games I played as a child too. I'm making the most of these times, before she grows up. Whatever there is to do in the house, or to worry about, put it all on hold, it can wait, and spend time with your kids.

Nocturnal House-Keeping

As I lay comatose in the bath tonight I was suddenly awakened by the sound of the hoover. It was my daughter, who had decided to clear the bomb-site which is known as her bedroom , and at the convenient time of 9.30pm. Tidying bedrooms is a job that happens once in a blue moon with my kids, and never without me nagging, so I lay quietly in the bath and did not utter a word. I thought about how when I was a kid my mum would have thrown a fit if I'd decided to do something like that at 9.30pm! Bless her, I totally understand, but I've learnt to take the blessings as they come, being a mum of three, knowing that if I put a halt to my daughter's nocturnal house-keeping antics, the job may not be done until the next blue moon.

First Book Signing

I've just had my first book signing event at Methven's Bookshop in Worthing, and it went so well that I sold 21 books and have been invited to a speaking event. I was very nervous from the moment I woke up that morning, but I know that whenever I feel fear about doing something, it means I am going to grow and learn in some way. My fears came from the fact that I had decided I would not only sit behind the desk to sign, but approach customers on the shop floor too, tell them about the book, and persuade them to buy a copy. I had previously met another author, Prof David Alric, who has written a children's story "The Promised One", published by Faber and Faber, and watched him on the shop floor at his signing. His method was truly inspirational, and I believe he has sold as many as 70 copies of his book at one signing alone - he's a dream come true for the bookshops! What book on any of their shelves has sold as many as 70, or even 21, copies in one day?

I enjoyed the event not only because it was a success, but I got to talk to so many people, and share experiences and advice with other parents. One thing I learnt was not to judge people. One guy, who's single, lives alone and has no children, bought a book because he thought his neighbours could do with it! He thought they could do with some peace and love in their household, judging by the noise he was hearing! I think he's going to discreetly push it through the letterbox.

Here's to more book signings and meeting wonderful, inspirational, entertaining people!

Tories to make failing pupils stay at school

I really could not believe what I read in the Daily Mail today. Apparently, children who fail maths and reading tests will be forced to spend an extra year at primary school under new legislation. The reforms are designed to make sure no pupil starts secondary school without a basic grasp of the 'Three Rs'.

Is this really going to help the problem? Surely it will only serve to single out and hi-light these pupils. It won't help them at all. The Government really do not have children's interests at heart. If the Government really cared, they would put resources into giving these pupils the help and attention necessary to help them to succeed before it is too late.

I wonder what is going on in the education system? The other day I discovered my 11 year old had not grasped the use of apostrophes in her english writing. Just three minutes covering it one sunday morning at the kitchen table with her dad, had her confidently and correctly using apostrophes. Not just her, but her 7 year old sister too, who proudly told me "I can use a-pot-a-pies".

Announcement - Book Signing

Come and meet me when I will be signing copies of my book at Methvens Bookshop, South Street, Worthing, on Saturday 22nd September 2007, from 2pm.

I had my first speaking engagement today at Cup Cakes Playgroup. Speaking to parents, it was clear that they've had their fill of Today's Government intrusion in our lives - the scientists and so-called experts who, one day say we should be doing one thing with our kids, and the next week, quite the opposite! We're living in the Information Age, and there's just too much of it - information that is. The best people to know what's best for their kids, is the parents.

Parents want their lives back, and their family time back. We're losing really precious family time to feed 'The Combine' - that is, the large corporations, the banks, industry, where those in power take the benefit, at our loss. If you really want to know what's going on out there with regard to the banks and your money, then go here http://moneyliberation.com and if you want to get an insightful look at schooling, go here http://www.amazon.co.uk/Dumbing-Down-Curriculum-Compulsory-Schooling/dp/0865714487/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/202-6219787-4711800?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1187094483&sr=8-1 .

Back from Holiday

Just returned from our holiday in sunny Wales! For those of you from outside the UK, Wales is not known for its good weather, but we were fortunate enough to have the best weather they've had for a long time. We go to the same place, in the Snowdonia area (North Wales), and I can't describe enough the beauty of the area. It takes your breath away. We stay on a small farm in a 400 year old cottage, and there's lots of land for the kids to run around and explore. The website is http://holidaycottagewales.co.uk Check it out, it's beautiful.

The best thing about the area is that there are few crowds. We found waterfalls in the hills where the kids could play, with no other people around. Where else would you find this? Other activities: sandy beaches, crab fishing, playing in rivers, building dams, tracking in the woods, cycling, and loads more. I really recommend it. It's a place to really get away from it all.

Rita

It's Published!

'The Chilled Parent' was published and launched 30th July! Now available from all good bookstores, as well as http://www.ecademy-press.com/ , http://www.amazon.co.uk/ , http://www.amazon.com/ .

WELCOME to my blog. 'The Chilled Parent'-Effective Parenting Peacefully and Powerfully, is about to be published on 23rd July 2007. I'm committed to getting the book out to as many people as possible, to share my experiences, and to help those who may be concerned about their children or family relationships, and those parents who are stressed out with all the responsibilities and pressures upon them!

It's tough being a perfect parent and doing the right thing for our kids when we've got other commitments that, although we know they don't take priority, do nevertheless seem to come first, and our family suffers. The Chilled Parent discovered it's nigh impossible to be the perfect parent, and once we accept this and stop worrying about it, we can leave the stresses behind and concentrate on what matters in our family.

To find out more about the book please visit http://www.chilledparent.com