I never thought it would happen, but here it is. Over the Summer holidays CCTV has been installed in schools for kids age 8 to 16. The reason given is "to enhance our school security". From now on our kids will be filmed everywhere but in the loo. I might sound a little whingeing, but there's a big issue here. We have Big Brother all over the place now, in the streets, on trains, in public buildings. Walk around town and watch the cameras following you. Now, this is for our own protection we are told. But it doesn't prevent crime, and I'm not so sure it helps in catching criminals either. Most of them disguise themselves knowing they're being watched. They'll do their deeds whether there's a camera or not.
My daughter actually equated 'being naughty' to why they have cameras in her school. "There are lots of naughty kids in our school" she said when she mentioned the cameras and saw the shock on my face.
The message being put out by the media and government is that the world isn't safe, that we need protecting, we could be burgled, stabbed, shot at any time. I don't want that fear put on my children. And it is a total fabrication. It is no more a dangerous world than it was in the past. If anything bad happens it just gets broadcasted quicker and further. And often, as one famous News Editor said, most of what is in the papers is made up.
And CCTV cameras in schools (when they haven't been there for hundreds of years) is just another example, and a seriously expensive example too. Still, what else would they spend Taxpayers' money on?
Saturday, 4 October 2008
Thursday, 4 September 2008
A Shocking Insight
We are 99% towards the end of the assessment process to become foster parents, and it is an exciting time for us. It has certainly been a long (since February) and fascinating time. The people we have met and the training we have had has opened our eyes to the experiences and suffering of fostered children.
During a recent visit from the fostering agency, it hit me how the way we deal with our children can have such a dramatic effect on how they see themselves, and everything they do throughout their lives. Of course, with fostered children, their experiences can be so extreme, but even with our own children I realised the impact we can have upon them. One child who had been through various fostering placements actually believed that, because he had been severely beaten as a baby, he must have deserved it, and why - because he was bad and naughty. Once a child has this self-image it will affect how he is and what he does throughout his life, until you can get it through to him, that he is not bad, but that those who beat him were wrong. But it can be difficult, because once a person has this opinion of himself (ie. I'm bad or no good), he will fulfil this prophecy. He will be bad or no good at anything, thus reinforcing it not only to others, but more importantly, to himself. And so the vicious circle continues.
It reminded me how important it is when dealing with our kids not to be condemnatory, nor to label them, not to instil negative thoughts or fear into them, and to always look for the best in them.
During a recent visit from the fostering agency, it hit me how the way we deal with our children can have such a dramatic effect on how they see themselves, and everything they do throughout their lives. Of course, with fostered children, their experiences can be so extreme, but even with our own children I realised the impact we can have upon them. One child who had been through various fostering placements actually believed that, because he had been severely beaten as a baby, he must have deserved it, and why - because he was bad and naughty. Once a child has this self-image it will affect how he is and what he does throughout his life, until you can get it through to him, that he is not bad, but that those who beat him were wrong. But it can be difficult, because once a person has this opinion of himself (ie. I'm bad or no good), he will fulfil this prophecy. He will be bad or no good at anything, thus reinforcing it not only to others, but more importantly, to himself. And so the vicious circle continues.
It reminded me how important it is when dealing with our kids not to be condemnatory, nor to label them, not to instil negative thoughts or fear into them, and to always look for the best in them.
Saturday, 12 July 2008
A New Approach To Health With Startling Results
Have you ever wondered, when your child is ill, actually WHY he is ill? There is always a root cause to many illnesses. The conventional way to remedy is to go to the Doctor and get a prescription for a medicine that will treat the symptom (not the cause) of the problem. For example, a person who suffers from psoriasis (a skin disorder) may go to their Doctor and be prescribed a cream to apply, which will keep the problem under control, may make it go away, but they find it returns later. The root cause of the problem hasn't been identified and dealt with, only the symptom has been treated, thus, there is no cure.
About 5 months ago my 11 year old daughter started having severe migraines. We didn't identify the attacks as migraines because we had never had this problem before. She was repeatedly being sent home from school, vomiting and having blurred vision. The school started wondering if it was a maths phobia! On one occasion it affected her exam result because she had blurred vision during a reading test. We chose to go to a Kinesiologist (http://www.kinesiology.co.uk/info.htm) and have her tested. The kinesiologist identified that her body was undergoing many changes (puberty) and that it had become intolerant to wheat and dairy products in her diet. Much that it was very difficult to eliminate wheat and dairy in her diet, we did so, and she has not had one migraine attack since! In addition, her whole wellbeing has improved, and she is happier. A true testimony to how diet can affect us, and to how we can look after ourselves by identifying the cause to illness rather than just treating the symptom.
About 5 months ago my 11 year old daughter started having severe migraines. We didn't identify the attacks as migraines because we had never had this problem before. She was repeatedly being sent home from school, vomiting and having blurred vision. The school started wondering if it was a maths phobia! On one occasion it affected her exam result because she had blurred vision during a reading test. We chose to go to a Kinesiologist (http://www.kinesiology.co.uk/info.htm) and have her tested. The kinesiologist identified that her body was undergoing many changes (puberty) and that it had become intolerant to wheat and dairy products in her diet. Much that it was very difficult to eliminate wheat and dairy in her diet, we did so, and she has not had one migraine attack since! In addition, her whole wellbeing has improved, and she is happier. A true testimony to how diet can affect us, and to how we can look after ourselves by identifying the cause to illness rather than just treating the symptom.
Wednesday, 14 May 2008
From Buzzing To Bored - One Child and a Computer
To any 'experts' who think that computers and internet games are good for our children, then I have a few real experiences to share. My daughter, age 8, heard about an internet game called Runescape through her brother, who is 14, and likes to play it. It's a fantasy world where you create your character and move around, fighting battles, trading etc to make 'money'. When she discovered this, clearly addictive, game, she went from being a outgoing, happy, inquisitive child to being dissinterested in anything going on in the outside, real world. She lost interest in her friends because they suddenly became 'boring', and did not want to go out. What she DID want to do was play all day every day on the internet. When told to leave it she would go into a rage. Luckily, now we have the summer sunshine, she is happy to go out with me to the beach, and to play outside games, so the lure of the dark computer room is no longer a pull. She suddenly wants to invite her friends round, and to draw and make things. To me, a real experience of what these internet games can do.
My son once said to me "Mum, Runescape is good for you because you get to learn about orienteering". So, will we have a generation of kids who are great orienteers, but don't get off their butts and go outside and do it?!!!
My son once said to me "Mum, Runescape is good for you because you get to learn about orienteering". So, will we have a generation of kids who are great orienteers, but don't get off their butts and go outside and do it?!!!
Monday, 24 March 2008
Special Time
Having had some 'turbulent' times with my 11 year old daughter recently, probably because she has suddenly started displaying signs of 'teenageritis' (even though only 11), I felt that because of our disagreements we had grown apart recently, and was having difficulty finding a way for us to get back together and rekindle the closeness we had before.
But this weekend I took her to Camden Market in London, just her and myself, for Special Time together. We went by train and spent the day wandering around, looking at and commenting on all the weird and wonderful stalls, not to mention the people walking around! It's real Goth country. We chose our own lunch at the food stalls, and I let her lead the way for the day. I made it her day. She chose where we went, and she bought a few things for herself. I refrained from starting up conversations where I thought it might open up old disagreements, and instead made lots of jokes and we had lots of fun.
The day was immensely influential in bringing us back together in that she really appreciated not only the treat, but the pleasure of having me all to herself, and how that made her feel special.
I really recommend having special time as a way of strengthening your relationship with your child.
http://www.camdenmarkets.org/
But this weekend I took her to Camden Market in London, just her and myself, for Special Time together. We went by train and spent the day wandering around, looking at and commenting on all the weird and wonderful stalls, not to mention the people walking around! It's real Goth country. We chose our own lunch at the food stalls, and I let her lead the way for the day. I made it her day. She chose where we went, and she bought a few things for herself. I refrained from starting up conversations where I thought it might open up old disagreements, and instead made lots of jokes and we had lots of fun.
The day was immensely influential in bringing us back together in that she really appreciated not only the treat, but the pleasure of having me all to herself, and how that made her feel special.
I really recommend having special time as a way of strengthening your relationship with your child.
http://www.camdenmarkets.org/
Friday, 14 March 2008
Success At School!
I recently went to my son's parent's evening, and, for a change, came away elated. Why did I come away elated? Well, it was good news, and our hard work (both mine, my husband's, and my son's) has been proved not to have been in vain. After years of below-average achievement in most subjects, he has shown that he is capable of improving and getting satisfactory results. I believe he has done this, first of all because of his own recent commitment and fantastic effort, but also because of his parents' involvement. When he went to High School we felt we as parents did not have a great influence on what he was doing there. Not because of the school (they are great at keeping parents informed), but because we felt he'd reached the teenage stage of life and didn't want or need our involvement. Well, that proved false. OK, he did not want our involvement, but he certainly needed it. Not all kids are ready to take on some responsibilities - they all develop at a different pace. He was not doing well at school, and certainly wasn't showing any interest or commitment (he never has liked school).
But when we sat him down and spelt it out plain and strong - what you do at school each and every day matters - it matters to your results in exams - and to your future, and can make life a little easier when stepping onto the work ladder - this seemed to make a difference. We gave him some incentives too, like a reward if his results improved. We did lots of other things (see the link below).
Teachers have reported a vast improvement in his behaviour, attention during class, homework, and test results.
If you want to know what we did to support our son at school, go to http://www.chilledparent.com/help_school.html
Rita
But when we sat him down and spelt it out plain and strong - what you do at school each and every day matters - it matters to your results in exams - and to your future, and can make life a little easier when stepping onto the work ladder - this seemed to make a difference. We gave him some incentives too, like a reward if his results improved. We did lots of other things (see the link below).
Teachers have reported a vast improvement in his behaviour, attention during class, homework, and test results.
If you want to know what we did to support our son at school, go to http://www.chilledparent.com/help_school.html
Rita
Sunday, 27 January 2008
'Stuff' Matters To Kids
We often say ‘wealth and possessions are not important’ – true, but personal possessions are important to kids. Young children especially can become attached to their personal possessions. It may not seem important to adults, but small, simple and seemingly insignificant objects can have much significance in the lives of young children.
When I was 7 years old my family moved from Australia to the UK. Of course, with such a long flight and limited luggage allowed, it was not possible for us to pack and take all our belongings with us, and this included mine. I do not recall much about packing, but when we got to England I remember spending ages, possibly months, wondering where two particular items had gone – my toy saucepans that had faces, and my book on how to tell the time, with its vivid pictures which I used to ‘live’, sinking into the story and studying every detail of the illustrations. As a child it is hard to express one’s confusion. Maybe at the time I asked my mum where the toys were, but I don’t remember. But it was when I was 39, when I saw the toys captured in the background of a photo, that I asked where they went. What is surprising was the anger I still felt about my treasured possessions going ‘missing’. It was something I had emotionally held on to throughout childhood. I never forgot about it. My mum said she had to throw them out when packing to leave the country. What she failed to do, however, was to consult me. Maybe I was at school at the time, but a little consultation, even just to say “we can’t take these”, would have avoided all the confusion and unrest that followed.
I recently met a woman who had a similar experience. Her’s was that when she was 10 years old her mum and dad divorced, and she was to move to a new home with her mother. She was told to sort out her room and pack her things, but did not do so, putting it off (she did not want to move). Eventually, while she was at school her mum cleared her room, and threw out a number of things. She remembers coming home and the realisation of the enforced move hit her. She was angry and upset. To this day, she has difficulty keeping her home tidy – she just can’t bring herself to throw or give junk away. She hoards it. It was only recently that she realised the 10 year old inside her is still alive – holding onto her treasured possessions, not letting anyone, even herself, take them away.
In both our experiences, whatever should or should not have happened, it is a poignant reminder that children, especially young children, can become emotionally attached to their possessions.
When I was 7 years old my family moved from Australia to the UK. Of course, with such a long flight and limited luggage allowed, it was not possible for us to pack and take all our belongings with us, and this included mine. I do not recall much about packing, but when we got to England I remember spending ages, possibly months, wondering where two particular items had gone – my toy saucepans that had faces, and my book on how to tell the time, with its vivid pictures which I used to ‘live’, sinking into the story and studying every detail of the illustrations. As a child it is hard to express one’s confusion. Maybe at the time I asked my mum where the toys were, but I don’t remember. But it was when I was 39, when I saw the toys captured in the background of a photo, that I asked where they went. What is surprising was the anger I still felt about my treasured possessions going ‘missing’. It was something I had emotionally held on to throughout childhood. I never forgot about it. My mum said she had to throw them out when packing to leave the country. What she failed to do, however, was to consult me. Maybe I was at school at the time, but a little consultation, even just to say “we can’t take these”, would have avoided all the confusion and unrest that followed.
I recently met a woman who had a similar experience. Her’s was that when she was 10 years old her mum and dad divorced, and she was to move to a new home with her mother. She was told to sort out her room and pack her things, but did not do so, putting it off (she did not want to move). Eventually, while she was at school her mum cleared her room, and threw out a number of things. She remembers coming home and the realisation of the enforced move hit her. She was angry and upset. To this day, she has difficulty keeping her home tidy – she just can’t bring herself to throw or give junk away. She hoards it. It was only recently that she realised the 10 year old inside her is still alive – holding onto her treasured possessions, not letting anyone, even herself, take them away.
In both our experiences, whatever should or should not have happened, it is a poignant reminder that children, especially young children, can become emotionally attached to their possessions.
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