The Chilled Parent

How are plants and Stonehenge connected?

2009-09-17T01:34:00.000-07:00

Matt has not been well the last few days, with a very sore throat, so we have not been studying. Yesterday he had improved so we made a start back. We are currently reading an extremely powerful and useful book - The Money Bible, by Stuart Wilde. Today in Chapter 6 we learnt about the Ego, and how it drives mankind, and how it can stop us from having what we want. Most importantly, and it was a message that hit home to me personally, is that life must not be taken too seriously. When we take life too seriously we lose the childlike part of ourselves, and thus our creativity, and ability to solve problems and get what we want. Too much concentration and focus and obsession about what we haven't got - doesn't get us what we want. It's almost as if we have to 'let go'. I described to Matt how it's like some couples who are told they cannot have children, and they try for years through IVF etc, and nothing happens, and it's the moment when they 'let go', and accept that they must move on and focus on something else in their lives, that they suddenly find themselves expecting a baby!

As well as the above, we concentrated on some more maths principles that I found Matt had not grasped at school - long multiplication and long division. Home educating means that I can mark his work with him, and he can correct his mistakes and learn from them. We were finding that at school the teacher would write in his books that he must complete his classwork, or correct his work, yet he wouldn't do so. But the teacher never followed up on this, so work was left incomplete and mistakes uncorrected - and thus any weaknesses remain!

We examined/dissected a large sunflower head that I'd taken from the garden, and discussed plants, what they need, and the process of photosynthesis. To illustrate how subjects are all connected, we discussed the necessity for sunlight for plants, and how people in history have worshipped the sun, because without the sun they realised that there would be absolutely no life on earth. This drew us on to look up Stonehenge on the internet, look at and discuss the photos and the possible reasons why it was built. Matt had not heard about Stonehenge.

It's been a good day, and I learnt quite a lot myself too!

Leaflets, Stock Market & Spelling

2009-09-11T03:03:00.000-07:00

These last few days have been filled with a mixture of activities. I promote my husband's IT business by putting leaflets in doors, and my son has helped me recently. He gets a commission on any work my husband gets as a result. Matthew has learnt that the more effort he puts into leafleting, ie. the more leaflets we deliver, the more the chance of making money. He has had a couple of commissions as a result, which is positive - shows him there is a reward for effort - a big lesson for life.

I trade the stock market when I get the time, and Matthew was able to be there when some financial news about the Bank of England base rate came out, and the chart showed a massive move in price (+60 points) in less than two minutes! Fortunately I had bought five minutes earlier, so we were elated (thankfully it wasn't the other way!) Matthew was intrigued by this, and wrote about it in his Personal Journal.

I am gradually discovering holes in Matthew's maths skills, so we've been working on long multiplication and long division. He hates doing this, and would rather be outside, going out. I reinforce the message that a good base in maths and english is useful whatever you do in life. And personally, I hate seeing bad spelling - something that seems to abound this planet - grown people, who even write signs for pubs and shops and restaurants - unable to spell! Crikey, what's the world coming to? A sign of poor schooling?

Home Schooling

2009-09-09T01:26:00.000-07:00

A lot has happened since I last added a post to this blog, so much so that I have decided to turn the blog into my experiences home educating my son. He is 15. He was attending High School, and half way through his GCSEs. His predicted grades for GCSEs were D, E and F. For him, he could not see the point in going to school. He did not want to be there, although he had lots of friends, always been popular and easy to get a long with. All through his time at school he has not found the academic side easy or rewarding in any way. His difficulty lies in his inability to record thoughts and information in his brain to a piece of paper. If you find this hard, then you'll struggle at school. No matter what they say about support and strategies to help kids with this, they don't exist, and if they do, they are ineffectual. Classes are too big to manage properly, and kids who need extra help get overlooked - that's a fact.

My son Matthew started truanting, the odd day here and there. Then it was every day. As parents we co-operated with the school in getting him there, and trying to encourage him, but when I was bothering to physically take him to the school gate, watching him walk through the front door only to later get a phone call to say he wasn't there - then I started questioning the point of making the effort, and all the pressure and family upset and arguments that were ensuing as a result. It was also worrying that all day, whilst not at school, we had no idea where he was or what he was doing.

We have been home educating him for several months so far, and my son Matthew has been very happy. His general attitude at home has changed, because he feels he is not being pushed into something he doesn't want to do, and because we don't focus on academic attainment.

Our first and foremost aim is that he regains his confidence by releasing the academic pressure, and allowing him to relax and regain his awareness of the world about him, to find and develop his interests, and find a direction in whatever way it may be he wishes to go.

Amongst many things we did today, I took him to see a very old lady (she is 97) who I visit through a charity. I visit her once or twice every week to give her company as she has no family. She is an extremely positive lady, despite being confined to bed and chair and living in one room. She has a love of life and a sparkle in her eye, despite being very frail. She and Matthew spoke for some time, and he shared his interests with her, which she enlarged upon and encouraged him in. What an education for him. He later remarked upon her interest in life and her amazing knowledge about everything. He learnt that elderly people are a great source of knowledge, and that they don't all moan, and that they are to be respected.

A job well done for today.

I've seen it all now

2008-10-04T15:03:00.000-07:00

I never thought it would happen, but here it is. Over the Summer holidays CCTV has been installed in schools for kids age 8 to 16. The reason given is "to enhance our school security". From now on our kids will be filmed everywhere but in the loo. I might sound a little whingeing, but there's a big issue here. We have Big Brother all over the place now, in the streets, on trains, in public buildings. Walk around town and watch the cameras following you. Now, this is for our own protection we are told. But it doesn't prevent crime, and I'm not so sure it helps in catching criminals either. Most of them disguise themselves knowing they're being watched. They'll do their deeds whether there's a camera or not.

My daughter actually equated 'being naughty' to why they have cameras in her school. "There are lots of naughty kids in our school" she said when she mentioned the cameras and saw the shock on my face.

The message being put out by the media and government is that the world isn't safe, that we need protecting, we could be burgled, stabbed, shot at any time. I don't want that fear put on my children. And it is a total fabrication. It is no more a dangerous world than it was in the past. If anything bad happens it just gets broadcasted quicker and further. And often, as one famous News Editor said, most of what is in the papers is made up.

And CCTV cameras in schools (when they haven't been there for hundreds of years) is just another example, and a seriously expensive example too. Still, what else would they spend Taxpayers' money on?

A Shocking Insight

2008-09-04T04:22:00.000-07:00

We are 99% towards the end of the assessment process to become foster parents, and it is an exciting time for us. It has certainly been a long (since February) and fascinating time. The people we have met and the training we have had has opened our eyes to the experiences and suffering of fostered children.

During a recent visit from the fostering agency, it hit me how the way we deal with our children can have such a dramatic effect on how they see themselves, and everything they do throughout their lives. Of course, with fostered children, their experiences can be so extreme, but even with our own children I realised the impact we can have upon them. One child who had been through various fostering placements actually believed that, because he had been severely beaten as a baby, he must have deserved it, and why - because he was bad and naughty. Once a child has this self-image it will affect how he is and what he does throughout his life, until you can get it through to him, that he is not bad, but that those who beat him were wrong. But it can be difficult, because once a person has this opinion of himself (ie. I'm bad or no good), he will fulfil this prophecy. He will be bad or no good at anything, thus reinforcing it not only to others, but more importantly, to himself. And so the vicious circle continues.

It reminded me how important it is when dealing with our kids not to be condemnatory, nor to label them, not to instil negative thoughts or fear into them, and to always look for the best in them.

A New Approach To Health With Startling Results

2008-07-12T13:58:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wondered, when your child is ill, actually WHY he is ill? There is always a root cause to many illnesses. The conventional way to remedy is to go to the Doctor and get a prescription for a medicine that will treat the symptom (not the cause) of the problem. For example, a person who suffers from psoriasis (a skin disorder) may go to their Doctor and be prescribed a cream to apply, which will keep the problem under control, may make it go away, but they find it returns later. The root cause of the problem hasn't been identified and dealt with, only the symptom has been treated, thus, there is no cure.

About 5 months ago my 11 year old daughter started having severe migraines. We didn't identify the attacks as migraines because we had never had this problem before. She was repeatedly being sent home from school, vomiting and having blurred vision. The school started wondering if it was a maths phobia! On one occasion it affected her exam result because she had blurred vision during a reading test. We chose to go to a Kinesiologist (http://www.kinesiology.co.uk/info.htm) and have her tested. The kinesiologist identified that her body was undergoing many changes (puberty) and that it had become intolerant to wheat and dairy products in her diet. Much that it was very difficult to eliminate wheat and dairy in her diet, we did so, and she has not had one migraine attack since! In addition, her whole wellbeing has improved, and she is happier. A true testimony to how diet can affect us, and to how we can look after ourselves by identifying the cause to illness rather than just treating the symptom.

From Buzzing To Bored - One Child and a Computer

2008-05-14T13:51:00.001-07:00

To any 'experts' who think that computers and internet games are good for our children, then I have a few real experiences to share. My daughter, age 8, heard about an internet game called Runescape through her brother, who is 14, and likes to play it. It's a fantasy world where you create your character and move around, fighting battles, trading etc to make 'money'. When she discovered this, clearly addictive, game, she went from being a outgoing, happy, inquisitive child to being dissinterested in anything going on in the outside, real world. She lost interest in her friends because they suddenly became 'boring', and did not want to go out. What she DID want to do was play all day every day on the internet. When told to leave it she would go into a rage. Luckily, now we have the summer sunshine, she is happy to go out with me to the beach, and to play outside games, so the lure of the dark computer room is no longer a pull. She suddenly wants to invite her friends round, and to draw and make things. To me, a real experience of what these internet games can do.

My son once said to me "Mum, Runescape is good for you because you get to learn about orienteering". So, will we have a generation of kids who are great orienteers, but don't get off their butts and go outside and do it?!!!

Special Time

2008-03-24T10:30:00.000-07:00

Having had some 'turbulent' times with my 11 year old daughter recently, probably because she has suddenly started displaying signs of 'teenageritis' (even though only 11), I felt that because of our disagreements we had grown apart recently, and was having difficulty finding a way for us to get back together and rekindle the closeness we had before.

But this weekend I took her to Camden Market in London, just her and myself, for Special Time together. We went by train and spent the day wandering around, looking at and commenting on all the weird and wonderful stalls, not to mention the people walking around! It's real Goth country. We chose our own lunch at the food stalls, and I let her lead the way for the day. I made it her day. She chose where we went, and she bought a few things for herself. I refrained from starting up conversations where I thought it might open up old disagreements, and instead made lots of jokes and we had lots of fun.

The day was immensely influential in bringing us back together in that she really appreciated not only the treat, but the pleasure of having me all to herself, and how that made her feel special.

I really recommend having special time as a way of strengthening your relationship with your child.

http://www.camdenmarkets.org/

Success At School!

2008-03-14T03:46:00.000-07:00

I recently went to my son's parent's evening, and, for a change, came away elated. Why did I come away elated? Well, it was good news, and our hard work (both mine, my husband's, and my son's) has been proved not to have been in vain. After years of below-average achievement in most subjects, he has shown that he is capable of improving and getting satisfactory results. I believe he has done this, first of all because of his own recent commitment and fantastic effort, but also because of his parents' involvement. When he went to High School we felt we as parents did not have a great influence on what he was doing there. Not because of the school (they are great at keeping parents informed), but because we felt he'd reached the teenage stage of life and didn't want or need our involvement. Well, that proved false. OK, he did not want our involvement, but he certainly needed it. Not all kids are ready to take on some responsibilities - they all develop at a different pace. He was not doing well at school, and certainly wasn't showing any interest or commitment (he never has liked school).

But when we sat him down and spelt it out plain and strong - what you do at school each and every day matters - it matters to your results in exams - and to your future, and can make life a little easier when stepping onto the work ladder - this seemed to make a difference. We gave him some incentives too, like a reward if his results improved. We did lots of other things (see the link below).

Teachers have reported a vast improvement in his behaviour, attention during class, homework, and test results.

If you want to know what we did to support our son at school, go to http://www.chilledparent.com/help_school.html

Rita

'Stuff' Matters To Kids

2008-01-27T14:24:00.000-08:00

We often say ‘wealth and possessions are not important’ – true, but personal possessions are important to kids. Young children especially can become attached to their personal possessions. It may not seem important to adults, but small, simple and seemingly insignificant objects can have much significance in the lives of young children.

When I was 7 years old my family moved from Australia to the UK. Of course, with such a long flight and limited luggage allowed, it was not possible for us to pack and take all our belongings with us, and this included mine. I do not recall much about packing, but when we got to England I remember spending ages, possibly months, wondering where two particular items had gone – my toy saucepans that had faces, and my book on how to tell the time, with its vivid pictures which I used to ‘live’, sinking into the story and studying every detail of the illustrations. As a child it is hard to express one’s confusion. Maybe at the time I asked my mum where the toys were, but I don’t remember. But it was when I was 39, when I saw the toys captured in the background of a photo, that I asked where they went. What is surprising was the anger I still felt about my treasured possessions going ‘missing’. It was something I had emotionally held on to throughout childhood. I never forgot about it. My mum said she had to throw them out when packing to leave the country. What she failed to do, however, was to consult me. Maybe I was at school at the time, but a little consultation, even just to say “we can’t take these”, would have avoided all the confusion and unrest that followed.

I recently met a woman who had a similar experience. Her’s was that when she was 10 years old her mum and dad divorced, and she was to move to a new home with her mother. She was told to sort out her room and pack her things, but did not do so, putting it off (she did not want to move). Eventually, while she was at school her mum cleared her room, and threw out a number of things. She remembers coming home and the realisation of the enforced move hit her. She was angry and upset. To this day, she has difficulty keeping her home tidy – she just can’t bring herself to throw or give junk away. She hoards it. It was only recently that she realised the 10 year old inside her is still alive – holding onto her treasured possessions, not letting anyone, even herself, take them away.

In both our experiences, whatever should or should not have happened, it is a poignant reminder that children, especially young children, can become emotionally attached to their possessions.

Our Kids - Our Carers?

2007-11-23T13:29:00.000-08:00

The UK Daily Mail today has an article entitled "The door slams on good neighbours". This is a topic close to my heart. It mentions that research suggests that good neighbours are becoming a thing of the past in the UK. An average of one in five of those questioned felt they could not rely on their neighbours in an emergency, eight in ten thought their parents' generation placed a greater emphasis on caring for the local community and 16 per cent did not know the names of those living next door! It suggests a declining focus on community spirit, quoting that fewer than one in ten Britons regularly visits a neighbour and 40 per cent say their neighbour has never called on them.

I am a volunteer with the Worthing Good Neighbours in my home town, and we essentially befriend and make regular visits to lonely, isolated elderly people who have no family close by. We are often their only link with the outside world, and we can keep an eye on them and sort issues out for them when needed. Many just want someone to come and have a chat over a cup of tea.

Sometimes, in the school holidays, I take my daughter with me. Why? Partly because she wants to come, and partly because I believe it's good for her to meet with, build an understanding of, and learn from, an elderly person. She can learn so much. I think many young people, including myself up until recently, just don't understand what elderly people go through - loneliness, frailty and ill-health. Often it takes a close relative to suffer for us to become aware and sensitized to it.

There are so many community-spirited and caring people out there, who do care for and watch over lonely neighbours - they do a great job. But I think our communities are going to become even more disjointed if we don't do something about it. I think parents can do a lot to make their children aware of our older generation, who are often characterised as old-fashioned, boring, and rambling on about the War. In reality, they are very colourful characters - their lives have been far more interesting than any TV personality's life. And they can be great fun too!

2007-11-12T04:47:00.000-08:00

I made a big discovery the other day regarding my son's progress at school. He is 13, nearly 14 years old. He does not like school, has little interest in it, and does not produce work anywhere near satisfactory. Having allowed him the independence to take responsibility for all matters regarding school, like remembering the right equipment, and doing homework, I decided recently to change this, as things weren't going well for him, especially with the detentions for late, or no homework. I decided to oversee all homework, and to monitor schoolwork by checking his exercise books. I also decided to sit with him through all homework and help him where necessary.

I found something quite interesting with him. Having thought there was not much going on up top with him, to put it bluntly, and that he was finding schoolwork hard because he did not have the ability, I realised this is just not the case, not with all the subjects anyway. It is all down to the way he learns. As with many other children, who may be assumed to have learning disabilities (my son has not been labelled thus though), he does not learn through books, pens and paper. He is a visual and auditory learner. What I mean by this is that, when I sit with him and ask him to, say, write an essay on a subject set for his homework, he is literally stuck. He can barely write a sentence or two. But when I ask him to 'speak' his essay, anything he knows on the subject, and I write/type it as he speaks, he can fill a page. In fact, he knows a lot, and actually shows interest and quite insightful knowledge. And not only with homework. When I take time to talk to him about school, he tells me the subject he likes best is History, the reason being that his teacher always starts a subject by teaching it in words, stories, and on video.

I suspect this is the case for many children. It may be the reason why they find some subjects boring at school, and have little interest or attention span. It may be why they are difficult to discipline at school. I realised that, even though my son is 13 years old, maybe it's wise not to expect him to take on the responsibility of managing his homework himself, for his sake and his education. Taking a little time to help him may spark an interest and confidence he needs in his schoolwork, and make a difference to his future. I'm sorry I've been so hard on him, and not taken the time to understand his difficulties. I love him so much.

Can't a mum get some sleep on the weekend?

2007-10-21T14:50:00.000-07:00

I don’t know about you, but my Saturdays and Sundays are my lie-in days, where I can lay in a stupor in the morning and get up at my leisure, not having to jump to the urgent message of the alarm clock. Consequently, the weekends seem to be the days when my kids are up before me, excited by the freedom of no school, and the anticipation of what’s ahead – going out, meeting friends. This Sunday I was awoken by the sound of the smoke alarm going off. They were preparing their brunch, as they told me, and the burning toast set the alarm off. Not just the one alarm though. Five minutes later, another smoke alarm in another room goes off, then another one. I could hear their hurried footsteps as they ran around trying to locate them (we have alarms in every room).

This reminds me of the previous Sunday, when I was awoken to the sound of my two girls patrolling the house, locating spiders (it’s that spider time of the year, especially in our house, me being a less than keen housekeeper). They were spraying them. Thinking ‘oh no, the house will be filled with pesticide chemicals and we’ll all get ill’, I dragged myself out of bed to stop them. I discovered it wasn’t fly spray they were using, but body spray! I dread to think what its effect could have been. Either they died a slow death, or we will have an explosion in spider births due to spider romance!

Still on the subject of baths

2007-10-14T14:57:00.000-07:00

The next person who tries to tell me kids need playstations, Nintendo DS, etc, can take a running jump. The only reason they NEED them is because they feel they do because the other kids have them. My youngest bought a small, 15p rubber shark at a charity shop recently, and she's had more fun out of that than any electronic device could ever provide. That rubber shark has given her lots of fun, and IMAGINATIVE fun. The other night, she described to me how the shark had rooms in the bubbles of the bath, a kitchen (to show me, she 'swam' the shark there), a bathroom, bedroom, lounge, and, of course, loo! It's lovely to see a child's imagination working, and to remember the games I played as a child too. I'm making the most of these times, before she grows up. Whatever there is to do in the house, or to worry about, put it all on hold, it can wait, and spend time with your kids.

Nocturnal House-Keeping

2007-10-10T14:05:00.000-07:00

As I lay comatose in the bath tonight I was suddenly awakened by the sound of the hoover. It was my daughter, who had decided to clear the bomb-site which is known as her bedroom , and at the convenient time of 9.30pm. Tidying bedrooms is a job that happens once in a blue moon with my kids, and never without me nagging, so I lay quietly in the bath and did not utter a word. I thought about how when I was a kid my mum would have thrown a fit if I'd decided to do something like that at 9.30pm! Bless her, I totally understand, but I've learnt to take the blessings as they come, being a mum of three, knowing that if I put a halt to my daughter's nocturnal house-keeping antics, the job may not be done until the next blue moon.

First Book Signing

2007-09-23T11:20:00.000-07:00

I've just had my first book signing event at Methven's Bookshop in Worthing, and it went so well that I sold 21 books and have been invited to a speaking event. I was very nervous from the moment I woke up that morning, but I know that whenever I feel fear about doing something, it means I am going to grow and learn in some way. My fears came from the fact that I had decided I would not only sit behind the desk to sign, but approach customers on the shop floor too, tell them about the book, and persuade them to buy a copy. I had previously met another author, Prof David Alric, who has written a children's story "The Promised One", published by Faber and Faber, and watched him on the shop floor at his signing. His method was truly inspirational, and I believe he has sold as many as 70 copies of his book at one signing alone - he's a dream come true for the bookshops! What book on any of their shelves has sold as many as 70, or even 21, copies in one day?

I enjoyed the event not only because it was a success, but I got to talk to so many people, and share experiences and advice with other parents. One thing I learnt was not to judge people. One guy, who's single, lives alone and has no children, bought a book because he thought his neighbours could do with it! He thought they could do with some peace and love in their household, judging by the noise he was hearing! I think he's going to discreetly push it through the letterbox.

Here's to more book signings and meeting wonderful, inspirational, entertaining people!

Tories to make failing pupils stay at school

2007-09-02T12:00:00.001-07:00

I really could not believe what I read in the Daily Mail today. Apparently, children who fail maths and reading tests will be forced to spend an extra year at primary school under new legislation. The reforms are designed to make sure no pupil starts secondary school without a basic grasp of the 'Three Rs'.

Is this really going to help the problem? Surely it will only serve to single out and hi-light these pupils. It won't help them at all. The Government really do not have children's interests at heart. If the Government really cared, they would put resources into giving these pupils the help and attention necessary to help them to succeed before it is too late.

I wonder what is going on in the education system? The other day I discovered my 11 year old had not grasped the use of apostrophes in her english writing. Just three minutes covering it one sunday morning at the kitchen table with her dad, had her confidently and correctly using apostrophes. Not just her, but her 7 year old sister too, who proudly told me "I can use a-pot-a-pies".

Announcement - Book Signing

2007-08-30T00:36:00.000-07:00

Come and meet me when I will be signing copies of my book at Methvens Bookshop, South Street, Worthing, on Saturday 22nd September 2007, from 2pm.

2007-08-14T05:17:00.000-07:00

I had my first speaking engagement today at Cup Cakes Playgroup. Speaking to parents, it was clear that they've had their fill of Today's Government intrusion in our lives - the scientists and so-called experts who, one day say we should be doing one thing with our kids, and the next week, quite the opposite! We're living in the Information Age, and there's just too much of it - information that is. The best people to know what's best for their kids, is the parents.

Parents want their lives back, and their family time back. We're losing really precious family time to feed 'The Combine' - that is, the large corporations, the banks, industry, where those in power take the benefit, at our loss. If you really want to know what's going on out there with regard to the banks and your money, then go here http://moneyliberation.com and if you want to get an insightful look at schooling, go here http://www.amazon.co.uk/Dumbing-Down-Curriculum-Compulsory-Schooling/dp/0865714487/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/202-6219787-4711800?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1187094483&sr=8-1 .

Back from Holiday

2007-08-02T06:12:00.000-07:00

Just returned from our holiday in sunny Wales! For those of you from outside the UK, Wales is not known for its good weather, but we were fortunate enough to have the best weather they've had for a long time. We go to the same place, in the Snowdonia area (North Wales), and I can't describe enough the beauty of the area. It takes your breath away. We stay on a small farm in a 400 year old cottage, and there's lots of land for the kids to run around and explore. The website is http://holidaycottagewales.co.uk Check it out, it's beautiful.

The best thing about the area is that there are few crowds. We found waterfalls in the hills where the kids could play, with no other people around. Where else would you find this? Other activities: sandy beaches, crab fishing, playing in rivers, building dams, tracking in the woods, cycling, and loads more. I really recommend it. It's a place to really get away from it all.

Rita

It's Published!

2007-08-02T06:07:00.000-07:00

'The Chilled Parent' was published and launched 30th July! Now available from all good bookstores, as well as http://www.ecademy-press.com/ , http://www.amazon.co.uk/ , http://www.amazon.com/ .

2007-07-10T15:07:00.001-07:00

WELCOME to my blog. 'The Chilled Parent'-Effective Parenting Peacefully and Powerfully, is about to be published on 23rd July 2007. I'm committed to getting the book out to as many people as possible, to share my experiences, and to help those who may be concerned about their children or family relationships, and those parents who are stressed out with all the responsibilities and pressures upon them!

It's tough being a perfect parent and doing the right thing for our kids when we've got other commitments that, although we know they don't take priority, do nevertheless seem to come first, and our family suffers. The Chilled Parent discovered it's nigh impossible to be the perfect parent, and once we accept this and stop worrying about it, we can leave the stresses behind and concentrate on what matters in our family.

To find out more about the book please visit http://www.chilledparent.com